Dawn Will Come . . .

I am slowly coming to learn that no matter how painful any situation may be in that precise moment - it will pass. You will literally wake up the next morning, or the one after that, or the next ... however long it takes, you will wake up and you will realize that you survived what you believed to be the impossible. The storm will pass, the clouds will clear, the sun will come out and shine on you like never before. You will live, you will survive, you will smile again.

I missed my brother's wedding. I missed being with my family. I missed being with my sister and best friend again. I missed out on the laughter, the silliness, the dancing, the partying, the whole nine yards. There was massive fun happening on the other side of the globe and I missed it. I could barely breathe, I couldn't get it out of my mind, I couldn't escape the seering pain coursing through my body. I badly wanted to be there. I broke down and I was literally in tears - Man that HURT!!!! I didn't expect that level of pain or emotion, it took me by surprise and I will never forget that pain.

I didn't think I would be okay, I didn't think I would get over it, but I did and I have. Not to say that it doesn't matter anymore per say, simply that I lived through it, I cried, I hurt, I came to terms with it and it passed. It opened up my eyes to a few things. The first and obvious thing being that I will never miss another family function again. I do not want to experience that pain again. Secondly, I am tired of being broke, of not having plenty of money to do what I want, when I want, how I want. It awakened a whole new drive in me to end this cycle and truly start working toward building my dynasty.

Another thing is that I need to make my life a happy place for me. I need to stop going through the motions and really start feeding my soul. I could move to a hundred different companies or move to a different state, but if I don't fix myself it won't matter at all. I need to create my inner joy and start making myself a whole person. I have been stuck in a rut and because of that nothing seems to be thriving. I need to change that.

I have decided to join a dance studio and start taking Salsa lessons again, I am also going to join a gym and work out 4 times a week, buy healthy food and change my diet and I am going to get my sister to help me draw up my business plan for my hotel. I need to change my internal environment, my outlook on life, create my happiness for me.

I am going to stop waiting for my Xakuna to show up you know. Life is passing me by as I wait and I keep jumping at everything that comes my way... and that my friends is not attractive nor is it fulfilling or productive, not by a long shot. I am stifling the very essence of Emma. I have been waiting for too long, at work, with my friends, my personal life, my love life, working out, better financial decisions.. I have been stuck in a rut and it is now time to break free and start living for me, doing my own thing and creating a complete me.

Here is to living!